To the Boy Who Ruined Everything

Sometimes I think I see you in the streets.

I think I see your hair made of flames,
and your towering body.
I think I see your massive hands that pinned me down,
when all I could do was let you crush me.
You ruined everything.
You ruined the essence of me.
You stole my innocence,
My trust.
You stripped away my sanity, for when I am alone in my bed.

You took away my body…

All I can imagine is the shambles you left it in.
My body is a tomb for all of the memories that you killed.
My body feels like it isn’t even mine.
It has your bloody fingerprints branded into each cell.
My scars are all from you.
Not just the ones you left on my hipbones,
But the ones I have felt from my self-punishment,
You might wonder why, but it’s just to have control over this pain I feel…

You know…

All of my control slipped away the moment we were alone…

You ruined my chances to let the girl I love hold me without imagining you forcing me to:

Love you…

You ruined everything…

What could you possibly have gained from my seven year old body!

All you did was take and now I have nothing left to give…

I remember what you said so clearly with the voice of a knife against violin strings.

“No one will ever love you now…”

And I will never believe anything else…


From the girl you scarred…but the woman who survived you.